


Why do you build me up (Just to let me down)

by maccabird_23



Series: Fuck the Ten-year Plan [6]
Category: Hockey RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-03
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-01-07 07:10:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1116994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maccabird_23/pseuds/maccabird_23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were hockey players and Toews was gonna be a Blackhawk come fall, while Pat might be drafted to any number of teams. There wasn't enough time for Toews to be his knight in shining Under Armour.  He couldn’t be the person who took him on dates, holding his hand and kissing him goodnight at the door of his hotel room. Even if that sounded like ten kinds of awesome. Pat knew from his brief time with Sid that all they could really hope for was having each other in the now. Crosby had the right idea and as much as it hurt to say goodbye – Kane knew that hockey came first and last. There was no middle ground for epic, star-crossed loving. Patrick didn’t need no Romeo.</p><p>Revised to continue after "Good with my Hands."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Patrick could count the off ice encounters he had with Erik Johnson on one hand, and it wasn't anything against the guy. He seemed like an all around awesome person to hang out with. He had an easy laugh and gave hugs like they were half off at Wal-Mart. None of that explained why he was hovering over Kaner in their shared booth at some seedy Swedish bar, hammered on cheap vodka and lager, while determinedly not letting Pat escape to the bathroom.

 

Patrick watched, bracing himself as Erik brought a rough hand to his face, cupping his chin like he was ready to get a lot more intimate than their first brief encounters. Kane wasn't particularly sober enough to weigh the ramifications of making out with a teammate while a crowd of other hockey players were all in attendance but settled with closing his eyes and letting shit happen.

 

It wasn't the smartest thing he’d ever done but by far wasn’t the dumbest. Sure, Kane usually didn't go for blondes but he also didn't turn down a solid offer. If only just to work off all the endorphins he worked up while kicking Finland's ass and moving on to the semifinals. Erik was tall, scored awesome goals and it really wouldn't be the first time Pat let his teammate do him in a public bathroom. That’s if they were lucky enough to get that far without too many teammates giving them judgey eyes.     

 

“Your face is all oily.” Erik moved on from holding Pat's face and started to rub at his nose. Kane would be the last person to give someone pointers on their game but not even Pat would give it up for weak shit like that. Especially, while being petted like a puppy. “Toews got weird ass taste.”  

 

Pat had to take a moment and really dissect the words that were being slurred out of Erik's mouth before deciding he was completely confused and pushed away the pestering hand from his face. “Dude, are you high? What the hell does Toews gotta do with you flirting with me?”

 

Kane pushed back at the two-hundred-plus pounds that were trapping him against the booth. It didn't really do much to move the mountain that was Erik's chest but his words must have finally caught up to Erik's muddled brain because he moved back, giving Pat a disgruntled look.

 

“I'm not the one who's been trying to flirt with you.” Erik raised his hands, palms out, like he just delivered a particularly illegal check and was trying to prove his complete innocence to the ref. “Jonny's been giving you moony-eyed looks every time you two are in the same room.”

 

Erik nodded over his left shoulder and sure enough through the dim lighting of the bar Kane could see Jonny staring at the two of them like they just screwed on top of the Canadian flag. It was a mix of sad eyed, furrowed brow that Kane had only seen when Pat had taken his scoring title all those years ago. “Bullshit! He's probably trying to get with you.”

 

Patrick could do confident when he needed to but he was also aware enough to know that Toews was totally out of his league. They played with and against each other enough to be something like friends and had even traded emails through the years. But Toews had never crossed the line between wanting to be friends to something more. Kane had to guess that Toews had heard rumors through the gossip queens that made up Junior Hockey to know that Kane was usually easy for it. You didn't get that kind of reputation from just helping a teammate out during an away game but being the kind of guy who would totally make out with his teammate in a crowded bar and think the next logical step would be screwing in the men's room.

 

“Bro, he's totally wanted to bone you since your first pubes started growing.” Erik protested, rolling his eyes to the ceiling and gesturing towards Kane's crotch. Pat was no saint but even he had to take a moment to make a totally disgusted face before delivering a punch to Erik's crazy, solid shoulder. “No, but seriously. We were roommates for like two days during combine and the draft. All he could talk about was how you were killing it for the US Under 18 Team and when he was drunk you couldn't stop him from waxing poetry about your halo of hair and shit. It was pretty disgusting.”

 

Kane bit at his bottom lip, trying to catch Erik's eyes and gather if he was pulling his dick or not. Erik might have been drunk but there was earnestness to his face that made Pat both hopeful and hesitant. “He's gotta know that I would be up for it, right?”

For all his experience with dicks that weren't his own, Patrick usually never made the first move. Sidney Crosby being the exception. But in the Patrick Kane dictionary Crosby was always the exception that proved the rule.

 

Pat never made the first move besides the night with Sid. When he was all up on him like a persistent puppy. Pat never screwed anyone because he was a fanboy except for Sid. When he couldn’t keep his admiration under control for one moment. Pat always was the one with more sexual experience except for Sid. When he let the older boy take control because before then he’d only ever traded hand jobs with teammates. Patrick never let his imagination wander except for Sid. When cuddled against the brunette’s chest - he let himself hope that there would be more.

 

But Toews was something different all together. There was a part of him that still associated Jonny with that thirteen-year-old boy, who was a long weed of a kid and way too serious for his years. He was like Sid in that aspect but Pat had too much history with Johnny to associate him with anyone but the awkwardly fond boy that grew up just in his peripheral. 

 

“Trust me, he's heard the rumors.” Erik smirked, wiggling a singular blonde brow. He gestured back towards Toews, who had magically moved closer to their booth and was teetering that dangerous line between the Canadian and American side of the room. Even the best of friends became enemies when it came to national games. Toews was really catching a few eyes as he moved closer, drinking his beer and bumping up against the side of the bar that had more American than Canadian. “He doesn't just wanna fuck you like everyone else – ow!” Erik yelped, as Kane laid a solid hit to the side of his head. “Its true and its weird 'cause he wants to woo you. Like your the Juliet to his Romeo.”

 

Patrick screwed up his face into a grimace, pissed that Erik totally had his number but also annoyed at this picture of a chivalrous, gentlemanly Toews that was being painted for him and knowing it was completely dumb. “That's completely dumb.” Kane flailed his hands, trying to get his point across.

 

They were hockey players and Toews was gonna be a Blackhawk come fall, while Pat might be drafted to any number of teams. There wasn't enough time for Toews to be his knight in shining Under Armour. He couldn’t be the person who took him on dates, holding his hand and kissing him goodnight at the door of his hotel room. Even if that sounded like ten kinds of awesome. Pat knew from his brief time with Sid that all they could really hope for was having each other in the now. Crosby had the right idea and as much as it hurt to say goodbye – Kane knew that hockey came first and last. There was no middle ground for epic, star-crossed loving. Patrick didn’t need no Romeo.

 

“Hey, you don't have to convince me. I told him a year ago that he shouldn't be looking to buy the cow when he could get the milkshake for free.” Erik followed up that statement by miming, what Kane could only guess, was milking a cow.

 

Pat frowned, looking between Erik's slouched shoulders and back at Toews, who was not being particularly subtle in his eye stalking of Kaner. “I can't believe I was totally going to blow you in the bathroom.” Patrick rolled his eyes as Erik whooped loudly. He found enough energy to crawl over Erik's lap on unsteady legs, nearly face-planting onto the floor if it weren't for the strong hands that gripped at his biceps tightly. Pulling him to safety, away from Erik's lap and onto the sticky floor.

 

Kane was less than surprised to see that his savior was Jonny, since he'd been circling his general vicinity for most of the night but he was still taken aback that Toews was giving him such an intense gaze that couldn't be mistaken for anything else but pure want. Kane had been a fool for all these years to have actually never noticed.

 

“You okay, Pat?” Jonny asked, tugging him closer until they were standing chest to chest. And its not like Kane hadn’t noticed what a total babe Toews had become between the ages of thirteen and eighteen but the true brunt of his hotness didn't fully take affect until he could actually feel the solid muscle moving against him.

 

Jonny didn't seem to mind that Pat chose to squirm against him instead of answer. So he took his chances and laid a hand on Toews chest, standing on his tiptoes to get a millimeter closer. “I'm good. Just listening to a few stories Erik had to share about the draft.” Patrick watched as Jonny's eyes widened as he leaned in closer, until his lips were just touching the shell of Toews ear. “He had a few interesting stories about you, too,” Pat whispered, hoping he was coming off as sexy and not gross.

 

He got his answer when Jonny tightened his grip on his bicep, pulling more of Pat's weight against him. He brought his other hand up to cup at the back of Kane's head, tangling his fingers into sweat-wet curls. “You shouldn't believe everything a drunk, American tells you.”

 

Pat laughed, wetting his lips and nudging at Jonny's jaw with his nose. He knew that his every, little gesture was working Toews up, making him thrust his hips at the empty air between them. Pat wasn't sure if his flirt game rose to a ten when he was this hammered or if it was just how much Jonny wanted him – had always wanted him. The latter drove him a bit nuts. “Why don't we go back to your hotel room and you could tell me your side of the story? I bet I'll like it more than Erik's.”

 

Jonny grunted - passing a glare over Kane's shoulder, to what Pat could only guess was a very drunk Erik. “Yeah, I'd like that.” Jonny wrapped an arm around Kane's shoulder, before maneuvering it lower - settling into the grove of Pat's hip.

 

They rambled out of the bar with as much composure as they could muster given the circumstances. They were both in a city that they knew nothing about, with families fast asleep in their own hotel rooms. Both were on the fresh side of eighteen. Neither had a game the next day and it felt like they could do anything. Kaner looked around, giggling to himself as they hit fresh air and turned in Toews arms. Delivering a hard kiss to the side of his mouth. For all of his serious attitude during competitions Toews seemed to relent to Pat's happy energy and bit at Kane's mouth as they both clung to each other. Just trying to make it back to Jonny's hotel room in one piece.     

 

By the time they had the door shut and locked behind them, they only had enough patience to give the room a once around. Checking that Toews' roommate wasn't back before giving in to each other. Kane swung his arms around Jonny's neck, letting the brunette handle his full weight as he attacked his mouth with teeth and tongue.

 

Jonny pulled at Pat's waist - yanking him off his feet and forcing Kaner to wrap his legs around Toews' middle. They nearly lost their balance as Jonny tried to hold both of them up but settled on throwing Pat to the bed in a jumbled heap of limbs. Pat didn't waste any time in pulling Jonny on top of him, nipping at his neck, while Toews' hands were too busy working off their clothes.

 

If Pat were a lesser man he would have been too caught up in the feel of Jonny licking at his overly sensitive nipples to notice the big blue mark on Toews' left butt-cheek. At first he thought it was a bruise but it was too inky to be anything else but what he knew it to be. Settling a hand over Jonny's ass he gave it a hard slap. He ignored Toews disgruntled yelp as he broke out in laughter. “Do you seriously have a maple leaf on your ass?”

 

Jonny gave a grunt as he pushed himself up, hands on either side of Kane's chest, hovering over him with an annoyed glare. “I was drunk, in college and under the influence of a douche bag. We both got tattoos. He got hockey sticks over his heart and I got this.” Pat could tell that Jonny wanted him to drop it, if the staccato of his voice was anything to go by. And a sane man, who was probably about to get the best sex of his life probably would but no one ever claimed Patrick Kane was any kind of sane.

 

Patrick gleefully crawled over Jonny until he was half lying on his back, with Toews flat on his stomach. It gave Kaner the best view of the enormous rump Jonny was packing and an even better view of that horrible tattoo. “Some people wear their patriotism on their heart but you chose your ass. I guess it really is your best asset.” Pat gave the leaf another smack, feeling Jonny squirm beneath him. Neither of them had lost wood yet and it really spoke volumes about the stamina of teenage hockey players.

 

“My mom would kill me if she knew I got a tattoo, which is why I got it on my ass instead of somewhere she could see.” Jonny was rubbing himself against the mattress, trying to get some kind of friction going. Patrick spanking him clearly wasn't a turn off.

 

“I'm totally gonna tell Andrée next time I see her.” Patrick sing-sung, delivering a final smack to his new, favorite butt-cheek before rolling over and letting Jonny take control again. Toews didn't waste time getting Kane flat on his back and pinning his arms to either side of his head.

 

“You tell my mom anything about this tattoo and you won't live long enough to see Canada kick your team's ass.” Jonny was nothing if not a stickler for details and zeroed right back in on Pat's nipples, which were particularly sensitive if licked just the right way. He freed one of Pat's wrists to let his own hand wander down to the curly V between Kane's legs. He stroked gently, just a brush away from touching Pat's dick but still teasing.

 

“That's a lot of moxie coming from a man with a giant, blue maple leaf on his ass.” Patrick cackled, as his words pushed Jonny to lose some composure and grip tightly at his cock. His laughter soon turned to moans as Toews' stroked him almost punishingly.

 

“That is definitely enough out of your mouth. I think we could find a much better use for it.” Jonny grunted into Pat's ear, as he bit sharply at Kane's jaw. Patrick could only nod and at that moment agree to anything that Jonathan wanted.

 

By the end of round three Pat was feeling pretty worn out, sore in just the right way from the waist down. There was a slick staining the crease between his ass, crotch and thighs that he was way too tired to actually give two fucks about. The same went for his room, which was an entire two floors down.  

 

Everything seemed too difficult and the only thing that seemed to come easy to him was settling into the warmth of the body next to him. He cuddled closer into Toews' chest, as Jonny wrapped an arm around him.

 

 Jonny haphazardly threw a blanket over them, kissing at Pat's shoulder, while whispering words too low for Kaner to catch. Jonathan, who wasn't as close to sleep as Kaner, gently nudged the side of his head, before asking, “Where do we go from here Patrick?” Pat would have answered but he was already long asleep.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Pat had endured some fucking strange morning-afters but this really took the cake. Kaner woke, eyes squinting at the early morning light, slowly testing all his motor functions to check if the night before had any lasting effect. He smiled slowly, thinking himself lucky that nothing ached or throbbed too badly but then he turned as the body next to him shifted slowly. Pat met the wide and manic eyes of Jonathan Toews.

 

He turned slowly, scared that any sudden movement would send Toews running for the hills like a frightened antelope. “Hey bro. How long have you been awake?” Kane questioned just above a whisper, “Staring at me like you found a dead horse head in your bed?”

 

Toews continued to stare, wordless and gaping almost unattractively. Pat could feel this going downhill fast. More often than not his one-night stands were tons more proactive, throwing him discarded clothes and telling him to go shower before rushing to practice or sneaking back into the house of his billet family.

 

The longest he had ever spent after drunken sex was with Sid. They had lazed around all afternoon – watching the draft and eating pizza. They had watched Toews don the Blackhawks jersey twice on repeat before Sid had offered him a ride to his hotel room. It had been that day  –  _I wish I could keep you_ – that Patrick made the decision not to fall in love with another hockey player. 

 

But Erik's words from the night before started to flutter through his conscious, making Kane take pause and question if this might be some totally different animal. Like somehow, maybe something besides averted eyes and awkward 'see ya' later' could come out of this.

 

“We have a tournament tomorrow. Get dressed.” Toews demanded, throwing the blanket away from himself like it was contaminated by the plague Turning his back to Pat and picking up clothes with unsteady hands. Kane looked on just for a moment, face reddening and stomach churning. “Hurry up! I'm sure my roommate wants to get back in here sometime this year.”

 

Kane paused, allowing self-pity to settle for a moment before quickly bashing it away with a swift punch to Jonny's shoulder blade. Patrick had survived being a drunken mistake of Sidney Fucking Crosby. He wasn’t going to let a third overall pick fuck with his emotions.

 

 

Over the squawk that came out of Toews - Pat started yelling, not caring what Canadian assholes heard him. “There's not a lot of guys around here who would let you mount them like a bull on steroids a day before a big game. So try being a little more appreciative, buddy.”

 

“You want me to thank you for doing the same thing I could have done with my own hand,” Jonny grunted, turning towards Kane but not meeting his eyes. “You're just a whole lot more trouble.”

 

  
Toews stood slowly, knees almost buckling as he bent down, grabbing at clothing and throwing them in Patrick's general direction. Heading towards the bathroom, he threw back carelessly, “Sorry for ripping your boxers. Put them on and get to your room before anyone notices you were here.”

 

Leaning forward, Patrick allowed himself to feel like he'd been the one punched. He never let himself get fooled by mixed emotions. Sure, there were times his affections for a guy had not been returned, but he had never poisoned himself with the hope that they would. Except for fucking Sid and now Toews. Pat sure did know how to pick them. He let himself crumble onto the sheets - that hours before were filled with whispered promises - and he felt his cheeks become wet.

 

“Erik was so fucking wrong about you,” Kane said to the retreating back but still had enough foresight to keep track as Toews paused, back stiffening. He slammed the door closed, turning back to glare at Patrick.

 

It was the first time that he met his eyes since Kane had woken up. “And what did Johnson say while you were half in his lap and half in the bottle? I bet it was something really freaking insightful.”

 

Patrick sighed, before breathing in and out again. Finally picking up what Toews was putting down. Every word from his mouth wasn't casual disregard for a messy trick who stayed to long but were purposely venomous. Things yelled just to provoke Kane to storm out and forget everything that was whispered the night before. Pat was usually a brick wall to picking up subtle hints but nothing about Jonny since the night before had been subtle. “He said that you didn't just wanna fuck me. He said that you looked up my stats. That you would get drunk and talk about how pretty my hair was.”

 

“Erik has a big damn mouth on him,” Toews grumbled, making his way closer to the bed. Pat sat up – still naked underneath the heavy covers. Jonny sat gingerly on the edge of the mattress, a million miles away from Pat but he still felt the bed dip. Bringing himself a centimeter closer to Toews. “He told you that but you thought the first thing you should do was try and get into my hotel room?”

 

“I thought that I’ve never been on a date with someone that I really liked. That I had never actually been on any kind of date so...” Kane's voice wandered off as he shrugged slightly. Staring Jonny in the eye, so he knew he wasn't being sarcastic or deceptive. Hockey never really left anytime for a social life that didn't include a bunch of guys with missing teeth. Dating dudes was too risky for someone who had dreams of the NHL. “I didn't really know how to go about asking you out.”

 

Patrick hadn't noticed how his legs were steadily shaking on the bed. His body filled with nervous energy until Jonny slowly tugged his ankle from underneath the sheets and stroked his heel. The left curve of his lip slowly tilting up and the sharp cut of his cheek becoming more pronounced in what Patrick could distinguish as a true smile. It was the best thing he had ever seen on Toews face.

 

“Patrick Kane, do you want to go out on a date with me?” Jonny started, ignoring Pat's raised eyebrow in favor of pulling him closer by the ankle. Kaner could feel a sarcastic retort resting on the tip of his tongue but paused to let a new feeling overcome him. He felt his cheeks get hot and his ears get red as a tingle started at the tip of his toes. His brain stuttered, not being able to put words to the total affection that was laden in Toews voice. “We might not know what's gonna happen after tomorrow but do you wanna go on a date with me today?”

 

Nodding, Patrick moved slowly, not trusting his words just yet. He crawled just the few centimeters that separated them, firmly planting a hand on Jonny's knee and letting him hold most of his upper-body weight as he leaned in closer. Just before the scratch of Toews bristled cheek could touch his Jonny pulled away. “No, Pat. I haven't earned a kiss from you yet. Go to your room. Call your family and tell them your gonna be busy today. I wanna work my way back to having you.”

 

Pat blinked as the word settled in his stomach –  _I wish I could keep you_. He didn’t let Sid’s word take hold. Instead he went for the phone by the nightstand. He could hear Toews turn on the showerhead – getting ready for their date. Toews was here. Not Sid.  

 

It took Patrick an hour to get back to his own room, shower and beg off spending the day with his mom and sisters. He would have felt bad but he had spent most of his time with his family. Seeing the sights of the small city of Mora. By the time he got down to the lobby of his hotel to meet Jonny he already felt like their time together was ticking down.

 

They hit the cold streets of Mora without any general directions and when Jonny asked him where he wanted to go Pat had only laughed, shrugging as he met his eyes honestly. “This is all you, bro. I'm the newbie here.” He smiled warmly, taking in the crinkle of Toews eyes as the sun caught him. Patrick didn't think anyone looked good in puff coats but Jonny made it work to his height.

 

“You want me to coach you through your first date?” Toews sing-sung and Patrick nodded his enthusiasm as Jonny rolled his eyes. “Then you better not laugh at anything I choose.”

 

If the waitress thought it was weird that two, teen foreigners were hitting each other and giggling like puppies - she didn't let on. “You said you wouldn't laugh.” Jonny grunted, while he delivered another punch to Pat's right shoulder.

 

Patrick only found enough energy to calm his laughter and tell Toews, “Out of every restaurant in Sweden you take me to the China House?” Jonny threw his straw wrapper at him but Pat ignored it, grabbing at Jonny's hand and staring at it confusedly. Like it was a particularly hard angle he couldn’t master. “Aren't you supposed to be sitting with me on my side of the booth? And shouldn't we like be holding hands the entire time?”

 

Jonny quirked an eyebrow, expressing that he thought Pat was being purposefully dim but answered anyway. “Only couples with strange exhibitionist kinks sit side by side when there is more than enough space to sit separately. Then there are the couples that hold hands while trying to eat. Which means they have some major co-dependent issues. And neither of these couples are meant to survive Darwin’s Natural Selection.”

 

Pat's eyes widened marginally and he thought he should start taking notes in case there was a test afterward. “Are those like laws or something? Like if I keep holding your hand is someone allowed to just come up to our table and slap us?”

 

Jonny rolled his eyes, letting out a frustrated sigh as he held Pat's hand tighter. Kaner could tell that none of Toews vitriol was directed at him but that he was scolding himself for some reason. “I didn't mean for that to sound dickish. I just have a teammate at university who falls in love every five seconds. He’s always gross with his PDA and then his relationships burn out because he treats his girlfriends like goddesses instead of like real people. I don't ever wanna be in a relationship like that.”

 

Their lunch arrived just in time for Kane to chew over what Jonny had put down. He never really thought that dating somebody involved such intricate mechanics. Sure, he thought that there must be common etiquette. Like nothing below the waist before the third date and no checking other people out while on a date but never thought there were different ways you could like or love a person. Having three younger sisters - he had always thought that perfect relationships should resemble all those romantic comedies that they watched. It was something he thought he would want. An epic romance that they would write novels and horrible, made for tv movies about.

 

As he slowly slurped his noodles he found himself reaching for Jonny's hand across the table again. Building up some courage as Toews raised an eyebrow at where their hands met. “Is it really a bad thing to build someone up in your head if you like them a whole lot?”

 

Jonny didn't respond, but neither did he let go of Pat's hands as they ate their lunch in an almost peaceful silence. It wasn't until their waitress brought them their check that Toews' answered. “Maybe I just haven't ever been in the position to be in a relationship where I could trust someone enough to build them up,” Jonny said quietly, putting down his money before Kane could reach his wallet.

 

Pat smiled to himself, before sharing his blinding grin with Toews. He'd been dumb to not consider that Jonny - being gay and playing hockey at an even higher level than Kane might be in the same boat as him. That he might feel the same fear that Pat does about being in a relationship with a guy while trying to be a professional hockey player. It wasn't easy and Jonny might be just as guarded about starting a relationship as Pat.

 

“What the hell is that grin for?” Jonny asked, while returning the same, big smile. Pat slowly got up, holding his hand out for Toews to take, “Well maybe you should have a little faith in me. I'm a pretty awesome person.” Jonny rolled his eyes, but took Kane's hand without hesitation. Getting up and following Kane's lead.

 

It took a bit of wandering before they found themselves at a huge park, near a frozen pond. The snow caused the winding day to look brighter and as the sun fell somewhere in the distance Patrick arched his neck, looking up at Jonny. “If this was a rom-com some shit Cold Play song would be playing. You would lean down to kiss me.”

 

Jonny huffed out a laugh as he bent down - inches away from Kane's face. “Well, thank God we're not in that crap movie.” Patrick would have protested but he didn't have enough time as Jonny bent the extra inch to meet his lips. It only lasted a few seconds - both still conscious that hockey players, parents and reporters could be roaming around.

 

They started walking back to their hotel soon after. Resting for the tournament between their teams still taking precedence. It gave Patrick pause as he realized that they would be playing against each in less than a day. Then World Juniors would soon be over and he would be going back to the London Knights. Toews would go back to North Dakota. Then he would have combine and The Draft. It made him dizzy just wondering when would be the next time they would see each other. If it wouldn't just be on the other side of the ice as apposing teams.     

 

“Hey, what's with that face? Did you just realize that I'm gonna kick your ass tomorrow?” Jonny joked, shaking Pat's shoulder gently. Patrick could only manage a weak smile as he turned towards Jonny.

 

“Kinda, I guess.” Kane sighed, causing Jonny to raise an eyebrow. “What if the only times we get to see each other is when we play against each other?” Kane felt himself slowly fold into Jonny, seeking the comfort of his warmth as the temperature slowly dropped into a bitter night. 

 

Jonny didn't hesitate as he wrapped his arms around Patrick, laying his chin on the crown of Pat's curls. “Come on, Pat. I didn't take you for someone who gave up 'cause of some big obstacles. Its gonna take some planning and some hard work but we're too stubborn to let that stop us. We have off-seasons, holidays and phones. We got this!”

 

Patrick closed his eyes into Jonny's chest and for that moment let himself believe that all of those things would come together perfectly and they would be able to make it work. “So it’s just like training for hockey. If we love it enough and put in the hours we can do this. Go for gold,” Kaner mumbled into Jonny's chest.

 

Toews' laughed as they started walking back to their hotel. “I don't think anyone has ever compared being in a relationship with me to winning a gold medal?” Jonny slowly tugged at Pat's wrist as they entered the corridor. “Think it might be the sweetest thing anyone has ever said.” 

 

Patrick rolled his eyes, a grin playing across his lip, “ Well, duh!”

 

The next day brought the same butterflies Pat felt before any big game. A mix of nervousness and excitement that kept him pumped with endorphins all day long. He ran through his regular routine in a blur. Trying to keep his thoughts on the game but he couldn't help but have the stray thought about Jonny. He wondered if he was sharpening his skates or taping his stick or being distracted from doing all those things with thoughts of Pat - like Patrick was having about Jonny.  

 

When he hit the ice though, he only allowed himself one last glimpse of Toews before he put his head straight into the matter at hand. Advancing to the gold medal round.

 

He wished he could have stayed to that mind set but as the game waned down and his shootout attempt went wide he couldn't help but watch Jonny. Toews slid across the ice with the ease that Pat lacked ten fold, before going five-hole. Patrick closed his eyes, quietly shuddering as he felt his hands shake. When he went out on the ice for his second attempt all he could think about was how perfect Jonny was. From execution to conversion – Toews was faultless. Kane could win it for his team with this one but the only thought that stuck in his head as he tried going five-hole was Johnny. Just how much better Jonny was than him. He missed. Just almost but he missed. Toews scored twice more and Canada won.      

 

Kane watched as Toews piled in with his team, hugging and smiling. Patrick put his head down - shaking off the tears and knowing that at least one camera must be on him. In the handshake line he couldn't meet Jonny's eyes - skating pass him faster than any other player. He felt like shit for it.

 

But how could Jonny expect him to be good enough to make a relationship last when he already felt bitter and angry after one loss. How could he handle playing against Jonny for the rest of their lives and just shake it off once post-season came. How could he play against him when he was constantly thinking about him during games? Comparing their skill and coming up short. What if they were competing for the Stanley Cup and all Pat could think about was how he just wasn't as good.  

 

Waiting for his family just outside of the locker room - he was so caught up in his own pity party - he didn't notice that someone was trying to get his attention. Johnny calling his name and laying a gentle hand on his shoulder when that was ignored. He quickly wiped the tears from his face - not turning to meet him. But after awhile Jonny said his name again and Pat turned, suddenly angry that he wouldn't just leave him alone.    

  

Toews touched Kane's face gently, dark, beady eyes remorseful and so full of pity that Pat couldn't stand it. He pulled away, grimacing at how worn and tired his entire body felt. He could have handled anything coming off of Jonny. Smugness and even triumph but he wasn't prepared for anyone feeling sorry for him. He felt tears wetting his cheek again and he hated Toews more. No opponent could have ever made him feel like he'd been punched in the gut so hard.

 

“Don't Toews. Just stop,” Patrick got out as his throat closed up. A new bash of fluid started flowing freely from his eyes and nose. “Just leave me alone. Have a good life. Score all the fucking goals for the Blackhawks. Win a cup or two. Win another gold medal. Do whatever you want. Just leave me the fuck alone.”

 

Jonny paused, face open and broken. For a moment Pat regretted everything but then Toews' entire face hardened as his jaw slowly ticked. “Well, I guess I shouldn't have expected anything better from a fucking loser?” 

 

Patrick wanted to puke. Wanted to hit Jonny straight in his jaw but he refrained because he knew that it would just all end in him being more humiliated. “You shouldn't expect anything from me.” Patrick didn't let the moment linger as he quickly walked away from Jonny. He could see his mom and sisters walking towards him and all he wanted to do was go home. Never think about the past few days again.  

 

Patrick didn't turn around to see if Jonny was still there. He didn't know that Jonny watched as he walked away. His eyes round and hurt. 

 

Jonny was on his couch, eating a bowl of cereal and watching the draft. He'd been tempted to turn it off a dozen times before it even began. They had cut the camera to Kane's face over and over again. But his brother wanted to watch it. So he sat there and ground his teeth as it started. 

 

There was an anxious part of him that knew in his heart of hearts that Kane would be picked first. He had bet a tenner on it. It meant he’s be chosen by the Blackhawks and come fall Johnny would see his face on the regular.

 

There was a part of him that was still pissed at Kane for giving up on them without even trying and making any future interactions so fucking painful. But then they had called Patrick’s name. Johnny watched, mesmerized as he pulled on the Hawks jersey. The same jersey Johnny had waiting for him in his closet. He couldn't help the jump of excitement that went through his entire body. 

 

“Well, shit,” Jonny whispered. Realizing that there was a huge part of him – buried under layers of self-preservation - that was still completely gone for Patrick Kane.      


End file.
